Margarita Salt

PROM NIGHT

2009-09-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

This movie came out in 2008 and I remember it initially catching my interest just from the way it was advertised and the look of slutty teen slasher that it had written all over it, ya'll know I'm a sucker for that shiet. And honestly, whoever is reading this you might decide to stop reading my blogs all together after this sentence but - I didn't mind it. No really, this isn't me joking here, it might just have been the mood I was in last night but holy wow, it took me by surprise! Please don't lose your faith in me, I know overall it's a shitty movie, but for the most part (for me) it did a lot of the right things! You know, the things that make it (again, for me) slightly good shitty, instead of hideously bad shitty. (I apologize for that horribly poor sentencing) - anyway, spoilers! Kind of. Nothing big.

It's pretty much a 'what you see is what you get' kind of film, and I dig it. In the town of Bridgeport a deranged high school teacher Richard Fenton becomes unhealthily obsessed with miss teen queen Donna Keppel. He murders her family to be with her (slightly original, gotta give 'em that), and is consequently arrested and sent to prison for life. And this is all before the movie actually starts! Three years later, Donna ~~Reed~~ is doing better, living with her Aunt and Uncle and has a hot new boyfriend as well as a couple, obligatory hot girlfriends, but is still having to take crazy pills in order to deal with the horrors of her past. Honestly, I love when they bring the pretty people down a peg. She is so obviously flawed by the incident of her family's murder, she is no longer miss teen queen and things are still looking bright, regardless of her previous hang ups. She's one of those characters who let her hang ups define her in a positive way, and I always like to see that, although you might find me silly for reading that much into a very shallow leveled slasherfest. On the long awaited prom night (which takes place a mere 30 minutes into the movie, sometimes I really love when they just jump right into things) she goes with her boyfriend Bobby and two couples of friends to the Pacific Grad Hotel where they naturally book a hotel suite for doing the dirty after. But psychopath Richard has escaped from prison and has found himself on the same floor of the hotel as them, thus ensues a gloriously predictable killing spree to Donna, stabbing any and all of her friends and staff of the hotel that cross his path.

The movie did have some pretty stupid parts but overall I really enjoy a film that surrounds glamorous teens getting senselessly killed off (Black Christmas, House on Sorority Row, Friday the 13th, April Fool's Day..) and that's pretty much what this movie was, just a newer and lesser quality version. There was no substance, but it didn't bug, and it actually reminded me a bit of the the 1980 film goodie He Knows You're Alone. Not a real favorite of mine but something everyone should see at least once! The killer in Prom Night is what jogged my memory. Same kind of creepy narrow face, and for the most part that's really all you see of him is his face except for the few and far between placed full body screen shots, and for me that just makes it more terrifying! Especially that scene where he's in the closet but it's so dark the guy can't see until his face just suddenly materializes out of nowhere, that was fan-fucking-tastic! Also I thought the hat the killer wore was a nice touch, added to his overall menacing demeanor. All the kills happened very fast and very well placed, I was honestly scared in some parts, and I like that they made the guy not just a crazy but a really smart crazy. Getting out of there by offing one of the cops and taking the uniform, good stuff! I was, as always, really sad to see the boyfriend die in the end even though I KNEW it was going to happen 'cos the stupid bitch left the room on the whim of a stupid dream. Stupid bitch. No actually I liked her, I liked all the actors actually! All no-names, so it has a really authentic vibe to it. You really just see a bunch of attractive, horny teens at the prom gettin' down and gettin' killed in a true classic teen slasher way. It's a real mindless pleaser!

Apparently there is a 1980 version of Prom Night that revolves around a foursome of bitchy popular chicks who have kept a secret since childhood about how they taunted a girl to the point of her falling out a window and now someone who witnessed that murder has come to their prom night to exact their revenge on the teens. Don't know if this film is directly related to that in any other way besides revolving around a prom night, but I definitely want to see this older one! The 80's always get it right, ya'll.

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

2009-09-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've felt so utterly betrayed by a movie. Don't get me wrong, Halloween II hurt me bad, but I had at least the faintest idea that it could go wrong. This movie, however? Allowed me to hope and then knocked me out from under my feet! Dramatic, I know, but you can see that's just how much it killed my spirit. If you knew me you'd know just how much I crave a really good ghost story! Hard to come by and as kids my friend Jill and I were such fans of screaming along to the Poltergeist movies 1 through a billion. 2001's Nicole Kidman flick The Others was an unexpected one, but good. Other movies that I have also had a soft spot for involving the haunting of peeps include (of course) The Shining, The Sixth Sense, even that slightly cheesy Harrison Ford/Michelle Pfeifer flick What Lies Beneath. Being haunted by the husband's mistress who he killed?! "I think she's startin' to suspect something..." "Who?" "YOUR WIFE." Such quality. But since these films I have not been captured by another movie in the same way, which is a real shame. Ghosts are fucking creepy, man! Why is it that so many people just can't get it right?

ENDING SPOILERS, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

The movie begins when Virginia Madsen (awesome lady from Candyman, an obscure favorite of mine), the mother of a son sick with cancer moves her whole family to a house in Connecticut (cue genius movie title applause here) closer to where he gets his treatments from. Now there is always a catch when a story revolves around the family moving into a creepy old house, and once thing I do love about all movies with that kind of plot is that it's always something different. This time around, the house used to be a freaking funeral home! Good stuff, at least in theory. As to be expected with most ghost stories, creepy things start to happen almost immediately! Although for me, after the first out of nowhere cheap scare, I was less than impressed. The ghost boy body carvings were definitely of the creepy, and some other visual effects were pretty neat, but overall I was very disappointed with the way everything looked. It's like they took all these images that could have been really disturbing and made them- well, way less disturbing. Lame! The whole ectoplasm thing was such a let down, that was what was most advertised before the film came out and it looked more like just a bunch of disgusting goo than anything remotely scary and other worldly.

I also didn't expect it to be so religiously influenced too, that can work sometimes depending on the movie but the whole seance/exorcism bullshit was a tad much. If it fits in with the whole landscape and general feel of the film it's cool but for me it seemed very out of place the entire time. I kept being reminded of a lesser cool version of the Skeleton Key, now THAT was a movie that made it work and by the way, that film freaking rocked by socks off. What made this movie especially awful for me is that even the cheap scares didn't work on me, which never happens, but they were so cheap that I found the off key trumpet blares and poorly placed scares more humorous than anything else (however at least I can rhyme). Essentially after about 30 minutes the entire film was a snoozfest for me, as in, I actually fell asleep and had to rewind it later. The ending made it completely not worth it to me to even put that much effort into it but alas, can't rewind time. Essentially Matt (cancer boy) has a vision that the main ghost boy Jonah who was killed by the spirits after the seance (laaaammee) was the one who used his abilities as a medium to burn the other guests alive (revenge is a bitch, never forget that and NEVER piss off a ghost duh idiots) so Matt rushes home to solve the mystery and save his family. He smashes the walls of the living room to reveal a bunch of embalmed corpses which was visually only OK, then sets the house on fire and that's that, end of story. Of course Matt's cancer goes into complete remission and the house is rebuilt and resold, no further incidents reported (except that I keep hearing there might be sequel so who knows how good their word is on COMPLETELY NORMAL HOUSE NOW WE SWEARS IT.

Apparently this film did really well, so good for them, I just wish more had been done to make this all more believable and enjoyable for me. Perhaps I'm among the minority though, who knows. I really like Kyle Gallner as an actor so I really hope I see him in more stuff, he's got a great look for the horror genre!

Drag Me To Hell [spoilers, duh]

2009-09-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

Drag Me to Hell, written and directed by Sam Raimi (who also directed Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, The Quick and the Dead and Spiderman), was in a word... INCREDIBLE! I expected none of it, and had no idea that it was exactly what I was looking for when I paid my $10 for the experience. Love at first sight, that movie was for me.

Alison Lohman plays Christine Brown who is a promotion hungry woman working for a bank and is positively jonesin' for the newly open position of assistant manager. Then there's the new hire Stu Rubin who is a complete kiss ass, the guy everyone hates in a work place, and continuously gets in the way of Christine's promotion. When an old gypsy woman Mrs. Ganush has been evicted by the bank and requests a third extension of her mortgage, Christine's boss tells her that it's her call and in the interest of finally getting her promotion Christine denies the loan to prove to her boss that she can make tough decisions. Mrs. Ganush begs for the loan but Christine calls security and the gypsy woman goes crazy! Later that night Christine is stalked by Mrs. Ganush in the parking lot and they duke it out which turns out to be an absolutely FANTASTIC struggle. After much beating, tossing, glass breaking and putting the car in reverse a bunch of times, Mrs. Ganush rips off a button from Christine's coat and puts a gypsy curse on it! Then she throws the button back at her and vanishes. Fast forward to much later and while with her psychologist BF Clay , they pass by a fortune teller and Christine of course decides to consult with him. The fortune teller advises Christine that she has Lamia, the Black Goat, upon her. When Christine begins to be haunted by the dark spirit during the night at her home, she tries to fix the situation by releasing the loan to Mrs. Ganush, and thus the 'terror' really begins!

I put terror in quotes because really, most of the movie was not very scary except for the few audio cued points that made you jump out of your seat. But I dug it! I loved the way the demon lamia was shown through shadows until the end, and his goat-like design was surprisingly creepy, I will never look at those animals the same way again! There is an insane amount of blood (Christine's nose bleeding sequences are amazingly gross and hilarious, gore can be laughed at too!) and vomit (the scene of Gaunush's wake when the old lady's dead body falls on top of Christine and vomits 5 or 6 times is a tad much), but somehow it seems to work for this film, and comes off very funny. It was really great how Christine seemed to become crazier and crazier to everybody else as the films goes on, 'cos naturally the demon llama makes her hear things and she freaks out. I would NEVER kill my own kitten to escape a demon but then again... that gem of a scene where she's asked about her cat (post-kitten murder) at dinner with her boyfriend's parents is just classic and wouldn't have been there otherwise. The way she so poorly feigned her cluelessness when asked if something happened, her feeble statement "well... you know how cats can be..." was almost too much to bear, it was at that point that I fell completely in love with this film.

Now, the movie was not without flaws. First off, almost every character seemed to be utterly helpless, even the characters that were supposed 'experts' of such gypsy cursing situations. The whole sequence of bringing the demon forth into the goat was ridiculous, who gets outsmarted by a demon goat tied to a table?! That bugged. And also, I'd just like to point out that if my entire mortal existence depended on this one button, I would freaking double check that shit to make sure that it was indeed in the envelope, instead of some coin! It was really interesting watching her moral struggle over giving that 'button' away to doom someone else's fate but, well, once it was revealed that it was just a coin, it all seemed fruitless. Also, it was very predictable that she would end up with the button, but not in a bad way, I actually enjoyed that it ended the way i predicted, even though I was sad to see her and Justin Long part ways for all eternity. If you think about it, her fate was REALLY undeserving. She didn't do anything wrong! The gypsy hag failed to pay her mortgage TWICE and it was obvious that her family was not exactly in the poor house considering the roof over their heads and the big party/wake they threw for her after her death. So really, Christine got the very VERY short end of the stick, but the actress was phenomenal and I loved every second of her on screen doing her thang.

Sam Raimi made what I would call a horror themed comedy, which I have always always ALWAYS loved. Not at all on the level of his previous horror related films like the notorious Evil Dead, but I had no qualms with this film except for its sometimes extreme level of grossness. I went into the film hoping to be scared shitless but actually ended up quite happy with the way I simply cringed and laughed through the whole thing. Overall the movie was very silly and while that doesn't always work for wanna be horror films, for me, it worked for this one completely.

[Rec] 2007 (spoiler alert! spoiler alert!)

2009-09-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

Essentially, there is not much to blog about with this movie, considering it was almost IDENTICAL to its later counterpart, Quarantine. I'm not mad about it, I had fun watching it anyway, however it's probably the first time ever that I've liked a remake rather than an original. I'm not sure what it was, maybe I was just TOO liquored up for the experience, or maybe it just didn't take hold of me the same way that Quarantine did.

Like I said, almost identical, however the differences mostly lay in the substance of the films. As in, Rec did not have much in the way of substance, for me. Not the same kind of unnecessary but entertaining character development present that I liked in the movie Quarantine, and no one really payed attention to the man behind the camera (can be read in a deep booming voice if you'd like, if not it's cool), and well... actually you can just look here for all my thoughts on the newer film.

I think my feelings partially had to do with the fact that I saw Quarantine first, and was therefore inevitably disappointed that the original was so very much the same. I'm one of those people that really likes to see a lot of difference between original and remake, but by no means am I knocking on the original! It was still great, and I guess considering Quarantine was inspired by Rec, I couldn't have expected to be blown away, they were bound to be similar. There were great things about both movies, and one thing I really did like about Rec was the ending. So awesomely old school! The mad scientist of sorts, locked away in the attic performing EXPERIMENTS and shit on this 'possessed' girl. Of course it all goes wrong and he ends up dead, and she of course spreads the zombie virus to the rest of the building. That was so the greatest part of Rec, the very end when with only the camera's green light they see a long haired, unfed zombie girl (who incidentally reminded me of the ring girl, if she were a zombie) swaying unsteadily around the attic... so creepy!!! If you're a zombie movie fan, you will find it hard to hate either of these movies.

Back from the dead - Halloween Fest 2009

2009-09-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

So I have been MIA for the past... five months. Real life and completing my undergrad got in the way, darn them, but now I am back and ready to continue the blogging! Figured I'd kick this off with a post regarding the most recent horror flick out in theaters, Rob Zombie's Halloween II. (Ending spoilers, you've been warned)

Now, I have always been a fan of the Halloween movie franchise, Michael Meyers has continuously been my number one in my top three favorite serial killers (the other two being the Ghost from Scream and Freddy Krugar, of course) for years, and while the first Rob Zombie remake was not perfect I did not have much to complain about. I dug Zombie's take on Michael, the eight foot tall ex-wrestler was just too metal for words! And Michael's child hood back story was (for me) a die hard Halloween fan's wet dream. Learning about his past didn't make him LESS scary, in fact, seeing that even as a kid he had that soulless nature of a killer just made it all the more terrifying. However Zombie's choices regarding the direction of Michael and the actress playing Laurie Strode bugged the f*** out of me from the start, and that did not go away with this second installment. Not to mention that overall the movie was just moderately irritating from start to finish, from the kills to the low life characters to the way the film just seemed to DRAG itself through to the finish line. I remember hearing a year ago that Zombie didn't even want to do the second one... well, I now share his feelings on the matter.

Upon Michael first coming onto the screen I was immediately not a fan of his HUGE ASS BEARD, coupled with the fact that every time he stabs someone he makes this almost laughable grunting noise. Call me a purist, but I much prefer the Michael Meyers from the original films that never uttered a sound and the only time you ever see his face is for 1.5 seconds when his mask gets knocked off. This Michael was far too... human. And isn't the scariest thing about Michael Meyers supposed to be that he is so far removed from humanity that no one can possibly relate to his muted sociopath ways??? At least, that's what it always was for me, I'm only one person so perhaps I alone cherish these character traits in the original Michael Meyers.

Also, unlike some, I have always enjoyed Rob Zombie films and his style of film making. I loved House of a 1000 Corpses from the very opening sequence, and I have never had a problem with the way he always seemed to 'do too much' in his movies, 'tis what I liked most about them! HOWEVER. Maybe I'm just far too sensitive (unlikely) but it seemed to me that in this film? Rob Zombie was doing way too much when he ALREADY does too much. If that makes any sense, if you can wade through that psycho girl babble.... well if you don't get it, it makes perfect sense to me, so case in point. The amount of blood and gore seemed far more pointless than usual, and unusually upsetting, I felt no kind of anticipation or thrill with each kill, I just felt SAD for all the helpless victims that had the misfortune of coming into Laurie Strode's life and being killed for it. Also, most of the kills were just plain cheap, there was no obvious thought involved in it. The impression I always got from Michael Meyers was the strong, silent type, and underneath, a very cunning, calculating killer. Again, something that had always made him absolutely terrifying to me, but in this movie I just felt a serious lack of effort on his part. So disappointing. Was Michael Meyers just going through the motions?

I also must point out that while Laurie was mildly annoying in the first remake, she graduated to full on crazy bitch who just need to be put DOWN in the second remake. Dear god. How can one person just be a complete hysterical screaming and crying mess like that all day/night long??? I found myself gripping the arm of the chair next to me until my knuckles turned white - not out of fear! Out of shear, murderous annoyance. I'm pretty sure I started making verbal threats to my friend next to me that if Michael didn't finish the job than I would! And it probably would have made for a better movie, I've always been good at playing the more sinister roles... I kicked ass in the third grade production of Cinderella as the evil step mother, and don'tchoo forget it! Anyway. Yeah, she just royally pissed me off. And while I liked the angle that Rob took on Laurie, turning her into a wanna be gothic chic baddass post-her first Michael Meyers experience, I think I would have liked it more if it was a different actress. But then, maybe I'm just once again being too picky. I think there's some truth to the notion that there will just never be a Laurie Strode as great as Jamie Lee Curtiss (long live). Scout Taylor-Compton is just too whiny and hysterical for my taste, I like my women strong, like amazons.

Overall, I did not like the movie one little bit, though I did find appreciation in the things that I know I would have really liked had I liked the film at all (psycho girl babble again, sorry!). I think the only time I actually liked Laurie was at the end, when the girl finally went crazy. Really good stuff! Loved the classic Halloween music blaring loudly as Laurie leered at the camera, her mouth ever so slowly stretching into a V. creepy smile... And as much of a fan as I am of Sheri Moon Zombie, she will always be Baby from House of 1000 Corpses to me, and I think this time around as Michael's mothers ghost just didn't do it for me. Her continuous appearances throughout the movie just became more and more hokey than anything else. Then again, I have to be fair and admit that it has been quite awhile since I've seen the original second. Perhaps I'm being too critical. Then again... maybe not. For me personally, in this second remake installment? I was more afraid of Laurie the crazy and Michael's beard than anything else.

House of Wax circa 2005 (ending spoilers!)

2009-04-01T13:37:00.001-07:00

I decided to take a break from the more, shall we say, sophisticated movies in the genre and take a minute to gush about a pretty shitty movie love of mine. I have not seen the original 1953 House of Wax and I definitely plan to, I'm sure it's much better, however I gotta admit there are some things I really love about the 2005 gem!

First of all, the beginning. Ohhh, the beginning! We are brought into the movie with a scene from the past, sometime in the 1970's I believe. We see a woman boiling hot wax and a cute little kid eating his breakfast and then suddenly the spawn of satan (or so they would have us believe) is brought into the room and strapped down into a high chair, kicking and screaming in a very violent fashion, end scene. What an introduction! Just enough to make us go, what the hell is going to become of these kids? Obvs they are going to grow up to become the antagonists. Flash forward to the present and we've got six young and horny teenagers on their way to a football game. First of all, the characters are fantastically cliche! But not in an annoying way. We've got the brainy, slightly pretentious final girl and her sweet but slightly dim witted boyfriend Wade (Wade? Seriously.). We've got the slutty blonde played by Paris Hilton which totally rocked my socks, and her playa boyfriend who may or may not have impregnated her. We never actually get a definite yes or no, but that's ok it seemed pretty obvious from the road head going on at the beginning of the movie that they've been gettin' down (haaa). Aaaand we've also got some idiotic random, and final girl's twin brother Nick who's totally hard 'n shit but he's squinty eyed Chad Michael Murray so it's hard to take his street cred seriously. It's made apparent very early on that Carly is the 'good twin' and Nick is the 'bad twin', which they cleverly foreshadowed in some weird way in the opening scene.

We have the first notion that something is not right with the area they're in when they decide to set up camp for the night and a mysterious truck pulls up to their camp site with its brights shining in their faces, only to peal off in the other direction when Nick the bad ass throws something heavy at the headlights, breaking one. The next morning it is discovered that their cars fan belt has been cut (PAY BACKSA BITCH SUCKKAAAA!) and Carly falls down a huge ditch full of roadkill (nice one, slick) with a seemingly human hand sticking out from the middle of it. A very dirty and slightly off putting individual with more than a few missing teeth that makes us think, killllerrrrrr?? Well he shows up with a dead deer that he adds to the pile (is this some kind of weird hobby he's got?) and offers peeps a lift to the nearest town and Carly + loyal BF warily accept. And this is the point in the movie when all the weird, creepy but seemingly harmless small town hick shit starts to get serious! The first real indicator would definitely be the very ghost-like town in that there's NOBODY THERE. We think all the shit is gonna go down at the House of Wax museum when actually, shit starts happening all over the place, it's great. Bo the mechanic guy has to take them up to his house to get the proper fanbelt because of COURSE he doesn't have it in his store, and on the drive up he does the obligatory telling the strangers about the weird, fucked up family that used to own the place, it's so necessary to a good cheesy horror film and I love it.

Appaaaarently, Sinclair and his wife moved to this lil 'ole town when he was fired from his former job for performing experiments on patients. Perhaps there was wax involved??? Anyway, his wifey while living there developed quite a passion for sculpting with wax, thus the wax museum was born! Eventually she died and totally wracked with grief the male Sinclair committed suicide and the two children are left parent-less. GREAT way to introduce these villainous fiends! Kind of original, but just unoriginal enough that you get a kick out of the cliche-ness of it all (which basically sums up how I feel about this entire movie by the way). This movie was really gruesome but in a total bearable way, at least in my opinion. Just enough to get some real shock value out of it but I wasn't actually grossed out to the point of leaving the room or puking my guts out or anything. Although that scene where dumbass is tearing off Wade's face skin is kind of repulsive... and the chick's finger sticking through the grate. UUUGGGGHHHH. I can't even think about it! I did think that Carly was a strange breed of final girl. I guess I'm just partial to the ones that you know, are smart and make smart decisions throughout the whole movie, those that generally show a real survivors instinct. I was getting frustrated with her all the way up until the end when she FINALLY takes up that bat and kicks some serious shit out of crazy brother #1! That was pretty sick.

I'd just like to point out also that I am so fond of the whole, horror movies past the 1990's use really angsty hard rock to get their point across. With the Saw movies they had Mudvayne in the credits, with this one they had crazy brother #1 turn on Marilyn Manson whilst carrying Carly over the shoulder like a sack of potatoes down to the basement where tha reeaalll freaky shit goes down. The whole ending I am just a huge fan of as well, if nothing else I couldn't hate this movie just for that. The entire wax museum melting down around them, Carly trying to reach out to crazy deformed brother #2 and for a minute you think they're going to do the whole cheesy, deranged mental case sees the light thing, BUT NO he's still crazy and wants to murder you. Gooood stuff. And, ok. The very last scene takes the cake. "Ran the Sinclair family through CDIC. Trudy and the doctor didn't have two sons. They had three. " DUN DUN duuuuuuuuun! Truly a cliche classic genius. And the two survivors are being hauled away in the ambulance, look out the window, and see the creep from the road kill pit sitting on the back of his truck, petting his pup and waving. SO. GREAT.

Quarantine (2008)

2009-03-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I had my reservations about seeing this movie but I finally made the trek down to our local Blockbuster two days ago and rented it, and boy am I glad I did! I really liked it, I have always been a fan of the man behind the camera sort of film, ever since Blair Witch came out in the '90's... however I didn't see Cloverfield, so really Blair Witch was the only experience I'd ever had in that area. But whatever. I liked its style, end of story. Apparently Quarantine is a remake of a 2007 movie called [Rec], little known fact. Haven't seen that one, but apparently it is actually favored over the newer version so I think I will be checking it out soon.

The basic idea of Quarantine goes like this - television reporter Angela Sassy Pants and her token cameraman are doing a story during the night shift with LA's finest fire fighters. After many an awkwardly placed innuendo between Angela and nameless fire fighter with or without a mustache, a 911 call takes all the fire fighters in da house plus Angela and cameraman to an apartment building that from the outside seems... well, like there's no real emergency. What eventually comes out is that some little old biddy living in the building has been infected by something "unknown" (unknown? Seriously, my first thought in a zombie movie is always- do you people never watch movies? Or is the main idea behind all zombie films that zombie cinema doesn't exist within their reality? 'Cos it really bugs). /end mini rant

So after a few residents within the building are brutally attacked (yeah, it takes them that long to start figuring things out, real geniuses we're working with here. Even in the absence of zombie knowledge, you'd think upon seeing someone take a chunk out of someone else's neck, you'd get the idea that maybe something has gone terribly wrong), they try and escape only to find that the CDC has quarantined (hmmm, clever!) the building. Everything goes positively haywire after that naturally, people start biting each other left and right and eventually the power to the building is cut, leaving the survivors in total darkness, with only the glowey green light of the camera's night vision option to guide them. Overall I really liked this movie! Everything was pretty much very predictable but in a fun way, like you were excited to be able to call what was gonna happen next but somehow you were still wracked with nerves and maybe even jumped a little when the time came. I thought the dialogue was very campy and it was neat that they actually gave the man behind the camera a role. He wasn't just the man behind the camera, they were constantly letting us know that there was a person behind the lens and we even got to see him on the other side a few times.

The whole ambiance of the movie was especially intensified for me because I was watching it with liquor and a friend, so we had the whole clutching to each other and screeching in hushed voices things like "Why the fuck are they still walking toward her?!" and "How the hell do they still not get what's going on here? OMIGOD LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" thing going on. It was great fun. I do have a couple bones to pick, not really bagging on the movie, just general things I always ask myself in zombie films... One, why are people stupid and don't recognize the sights and sounds of imminent danger? Especially in Quarantine, we got peeps friggin' foaming at the mouth and emitting a very distinct growl mixed with a wheeze sort of thing that seriously only the UNDEAD could really produce. Seriously. How do people not see those warning signs?? Not to mention they're showing very cannibalistic tendencies. And yet, it takes these guys at least three 'rabid' humans before they realize, maybe taking them into the common area where everybody else is and simply tying them up ISN'T the best idea. And two, whyyy do they always gotta jump to rabies? I know it's the easiest explanation in the apparent absence of not knowing what the fuck a zombie is but seriously, I don't think humans that are infected with rabies just start eating each other. It's just not right. The entire movie was very reminiscent of Blair Witch for me which I obviously really enjoyed, especially the ending. There is nothing better than 20-30 seconds of shaky camera action and intense suspense. I loved every second of it!

Friday the 13th 2009 (Spoilers kind of?)

2009-03-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot to say about this movie, but I thought I should finally make a post about it nonetheless. First, I should point out that I feel like a lot of people went into it thinking it was just going to be a remake, when really, although it bore the same name it was an entirely different breed all on its own, Now, that in no way means I cared much for the film. On the contrary, on the whole I found it rather bland, but there were a few things about it that I liked. All very small really, and definitely doesn't make up for the fact that it was ultimately a pretty lame, shall we say, parody of the original films, but still. They're worth mentioning I think.

So basically the movie starts very much in Friday the 13th fashion with some random, unfortunate teens camping out in a remote location close to a 'haunted and deserted camp' and sexing each other up 'til the break of dawn. natch. One guy stumbles upon a peculiarly placed MARIJUANA farm and peeps start getting picked off one by one in a very brutal but cool fashion (that's just my opinion. I realize I'm kind of gross. Did anyone else think that trick with the girl hanging from the tree in a bag over a fire was effing AWESOME?! 'Kay maybe it's just me then). Anywho, then the film opens up to the actual main characters of the movie and that's when everything starts to get a tad bit redundant and annoying. I gotta say, sometimes it is well placed and works, but for the most part I am REALLY tired of the whole all-the-main-characters-should-just-be-gigantic-raging-assholes bit. Seriously, it's getting way old. Especially the main dude! Ugh! The rich, buff, asshole boyfriend who breaks guys ribs with his eyes for so much as looking at 'his girl', but then he fucks every pair of legs in sight? Seriously, come on!

I dug what they did to Jason in particular, all tall and body builder-like 'n shit. He pretty much scared the crap out of me, I felt like he could reach right through the screen and break me with his pinky! And I liked how they introduced him pre-hockey mask and then created a scene for him to find it in and replace it with that weird sack cloth he had on for half the movie! I really don't like sack cloths. And I loved that the movie really didn't make you care enough about the girl that had been missing and in the jaws of the Jason lair the entire film, I really could have cared less about her, I was actually most sad about Jenna eventually getting the wrong end of Jason's stick (dirty mebe?). She was so nice unlike the rest of those rich and ungrateful assholes and she still got kicked in the head with the bucket of death in the end! I know I know, the whole purpose of missing chick's brother searching for her the entire movie was so he could find her and SAVE her, what the fuck ever, that bitch didn't contribute to the entire goddamn film and then she gets to LIVE?! Whatever, fuck 'em both, Jenna was way hotter than both of you put together!

Erm, speaking of hot (or not), this film also just seemed like one big giant kinda soft kinda hard porno. But for the most part, I really didn't care for this movie. I get that they were trying to modernize a classic and very beloved slasher film, like Rob Zombie was with Halloween (which I liked better than this, by the way), there were just a few key elements missing that I could not ignore. I could not get past the fact that the characters were so horribly one dimensional and annoying as all hell, or the fact that there were many moments in the film (including the ending), where you really just wish the makers of the film had asked themselves, "How stupid is TOO stupid?" I also really hated that they didn't really keep with the Jason theme. You know, that chica chica ahh-ahh breathing thing in the original flims?? I think I heard it MAYBEE once. That was it. Once.

But whatev. Seeing it on the big screen definitely had its own perks, I would have been so angry to see that bullshit in regular TV size. Say, whaddya know, I did have a bit to say about this piece of crap film! --- Ok that might have been a bit too harsh. It was still at its core a genuine slasher, despite all of its annoyances, and it did get a few scares out of me (then again maybe I'm just a big old fraidy cat...). Even after all my griping I really don't feel like I wasted my money. I'm just glad I didn't go sober!

Let the Right One In (spoilers major!)

2009-03-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, there has been a serious lack of good quality vampire films in my life lately? I really wanted 30 Days of Night to rock my world, and in some ways it was pretty awesome, but on a whole it was just not what I really look for in a good vamp flick. I've always been more drawn to the plot lines involving the dark, twisty, emo side of vamps- you know, the vamps that get all down and out about being undead and torture themselves with unhealthy attachments to mortals. I eat that shit up like it's my last meal!

Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in) stars the meek, 12-year old Oskar, who is bullied so much throughout the entire movie that by the end you seriously hate kids everywhere. I was livid. Seriously, how can people that young be so doggone cruel?! What happened to children being the very picture of innocence and all that crap? Kids these days I swear (says the old lady inhabiting inside a 22 year old's body, we all have our dark secrets!). Anyway, so Oskar meets and falls in love with this strange girl named Eli. I say strange because she can't do really standard things like be in the sun or eat food or come into a room without being explicitly invited first. She also does a weird, floaty, disappearing and reappearing thing... yeah, it's all very suspect. Oskar inevitably finds out about Eli's vampireness and it's a remarkable thing, he doesn't run away screaming in the opposite direction! I loved that about this movie, on the whole so highly romantic and all, "I don't care that you're a bloodsucking fiend! I OVE YOU, NAZ-FER-ATU!" - "I OVE YOU TOO, FUTURE DINN-ER! I mean..."

No but seriously though, I loved this movie. I loved how interestingly it blurred the lines between right and wrong. Oskar inevitably finds out that Eli needs the blood of humans to survive and he's faced with the ultimate question - how much can love forgive?? Totally swiped that line from IMDB but it was just to good and summed everything up so well! The fact that he's just a kid, and she's a vampire masquerading as a kid, it's all so very innocent, the decisions they make separately and together. The black and white of right and wrong line is totally maimed with the question of how far one should go to help someone they love, when Oskar orchestrates a prime bait situation involving an innocent man and miss Eli the cute, albeit bloodthirsty vamp. And Oskar watches as Eli divides and conquers her prey! You just gotta be thinking the whole time- HOW the hell is this kid going to grow up after this series of traumatic and strange events that actually don't seem to traumatize him much at all??? And the ending, oh the ending! I love that they just left it off at the two young lovers (is it gross for me to refer to them that way? whatever you can bite me. Not you, Eli.) running off together, you're left with all these big questions of where do you go from there? What happens post-crazy murdering sprees on both lovers behalf? Does Oskar continue to age or does he eventually elect (or perhaps he's not given a choice... ya know, vamps DO have a mean streak, they're not all small and cute like Eli and she OBVIOUSLY has a dark side- I need to stop rambling.) for immortal life?

This movie was so different from your run of the mill vamp movie, and I loved the intensity and the perfect amount of gore in every murder scene. The whole story line is so very romantic in the most twisted of ways! Definitely my kind of fucked up. Honestly the one thing I didn't like about this movie is that it was dubbed. Fuckin' a, there is nothing worse than a dubbed movie! Why the frack is it so hard to just have subtitles and not ruin the unique magic of foreign films? Come on America, what, you can't even read now?

Friday the 13th, 1980 - Final Girl Film Club (spoilers!)

2009-03-04T14:34:00.000-08:00

I have heard many a negative and positive opinions about this early 80's slasher film, and I've gotta say, my first time seeing it (I know, I know...) I could not have been more enthused! I could see WHY there are people in the world that don't particularly like this film, but I personally don't understand that way of thinking. This movie was so great! Slow paced, creepy Hitchcock-esque music that's always building on the tension, shallow plot lines that you kind of care about but aren't forced to get all wrapped up in... the violence isn't necessarily excessive but when there's a kill it's so simply brutal! Poor Kevin Bacon, I'm sorry you had to get a knife in the neck but seriously, so great. Jason's mom is effing fantastic in her role as crazy lady who talks as her 'dead' son, the way she seems to strike fear into the hearts of the viewers is pleasing to the hairs on the back of my neck. And the ending where Jason pops out of the lake was so unexpected, I quite literally jumped out of my seat and that does not often happen to me. I loved this movie for its simplicity, and plus I really don't think it's possible for me to hate any kind of slasher movie. I have yet to encounter one that I haven't liked even a little bit! My personal recommendations for watching this movie? Lots 'o beer, cozy blankets, lights off with a few scattered candles, watch it with someone who's kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny-looking guy who you could ----(!), and let the magic of Friday the 13th take over! Bow chica bow wow! Or something.

My Bloody Valentine (2009) - Ending spoilers!

2009-01-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

I should start this off by saying that I have not seen the original, so I went into this with a completely unbiased perspective. I really wasn't expecting much, although I WAS expecting to at least be watching it in 3D but the dumb theater we went to had signs everywhere saying YAHOO!MOVIES LYED WE DUN HAVE 3D HUR! Rude.

I loved that the movie began by bringing you right into the action, there was no 30 minute back story it was just immediate scene setting, character introduction, killing killing killing. It was also interesting that the director felt daring enough to do a full on female crotch shot that lasted for a good 5-10 seconds. Bold, bold I say! Horror films rarely do that with a man's junk, and there was just something so damn vulnerable about seeing this girl stark naked, running away from the killer. I mean, being chased is bad enough, but to be chased NAKED? Dear god. While there was nothing particularly original about the movie, especially the ending, for some reason it didn't seem particularly cliche. The way they shot it made it seem so fresh, like they were the ones to do the original 'killer turns out to be person least suspected and he just so happens to be skitzo' thing. I thought it was great! I thought all the murder scenes were fantastic, turns out there are MANY different ways to kill someone with a pick ax! And it was pretty awesome that he would pop out of places that seemed to have no rhyme or reason (until the end of course, then you kind of realize why the killer was able to appear in the places he did).

Basically I definitely have a new found fear for men in miners outfits carrying pick axes. Shudderrr.

Re-Animator!!!

2009-01-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen it, you need to change that immediately. Immediately! I saw it a long time ago, sometime around the delicate and impressionable age of 13 or 14, and it's amazing how much I had forgotten about since then because watching it yesterday was like watching it with entirely new eyes. I was blown away. BLOWN. EY-WAY.

Herbert West is kicked out of his old med school for bringing someone back from the dead (seriously? That's all that happened to him? Obviously not enough people have read Frankenstein, bringing dead people to life ONLY BRINGS ON THE BAD.) and he has to transfer. So he's new at Miskatonic Medical University and is seeking a private housing sitch while also immediately clashing with the local profs on the science and ethics of 'brain death', natch. Dan Cain, local hottie who's seriously bad at the chest compressions, is of course making time with the Dean's daughter (Megan) and conveniently looking for a roommate. Megan is of course immediately suspicious of dear old Herb and who wouldn't be? He's weird as fuck and keeps cats in refrigerators! Yeah. Yeah. I won't go into it anymore than that. And then there's also his creepy fixation with dark, danky basements... in my personal book of creeps that ranks pretty damn high.

Anywho, this movie gets pretty gorey obviously as Herb ventures forth with his disturbing fixation in reanimating dead with this sickly, neon green colored formula shit. Danny boy soon discovers what the freak has been doing all this time in his own basement and instead of running out the door like any SANE person would do, he decides to actually join in on the fun and that's of course when it all goes to pot. But I won't tell you anything more than that you will just have to see for yourself how it all unfolds! Almost every scene is so completely over-the-top and at times extremely graphic and perverse that you almost have to wonder how something like that could even be enjoyable. But from the moment the movie started I recognized in it that beneath the total outrageousness off the film is a cast who doesn't even take themselves seriously in this and THAT'S why a movie like this works. You can't help but cringe and laugh right along with what's going on! Once again, campy pwns all.

The ending is probably the most ridiculous thing I've seen in my entire life, and that alone made the entire movie worth it. The writers are basically slapping you in the face with a gigantic codfish and saying "yeah, that's right, we went way over the line DEAL WITH IT BITCHEZ!" So beyond genius. It's insanity, insanity I tell you! And I dig it. But then again I am a pretty twisted individual. All I gotta say is... Meg! Girl! You're a fucking trooper. Easily one of the great 80's horror classics, although there was no part of the movie that actually scared me (but I did appreciate the creepy, upbeat Hitchcock influenced music- yeah I saw what they were trying to do there!). It has definitely spiked to my top 10 in terms of off-the-charts horror, it is for sure going DOWN in history... (ha, I'm too punny.)

April Fool's Day (1986)

2009-01-21T13:31:00.000-08:00

Holy christ on a cracker, I effing loved this movie! I knew it a mere 30 minutes into the film, I was even foaming at the mouth a bit (well that might have also been because while I was watching the movie I was also playing a little game called 'How many cheezit crackers can I fit into my mouth at once'. Cheezit edges are sharp, damnitt).

I enjoyed every single thing about this movie, and that is really hard to say! At least for me. When it comes to horror films I am extremely picky and hard to please. I ain't no cheap hor(ror fan)! But seriously, for me this movie stood apart from the rest in every way. It's about a group of college friends getting together at an island mansion owned by their friend Muffy to celebrate their final year of school. They discover while staying there that each has a hidden secret from their past which is revealed through a series of april fool's jokes that are a tad on the cruel side, and one by one the kids start dying. Obvs. All the actors are incredible, their characters are so refreshingly cliche. You've got the stereotypical 'bros', the slutty mcslutt whore, the uptight girl from the upper east side who secretly used to be prego, the closet diabolical mastermind... you'll just have to figure out which one that is. It's campy but it's so much MORE than campy, it's brilliant and a breed apart from the norm of 80's slashers.

The very start of this movie begins with a joke and you will just have to watch it and see if that's in fact how it ends... bwahahahahaaaaa. (creepy, right?)

Final Girl Film Club: Grindhouse (Spoilers alert!)

2009-01-08T22:48:00.001-08:00

So I had already seen Grindhouse once before and interestingly enough at the time I found myself favoring Planet Terror over Death Proof, but after another round of gorey Tarantino goodness I must say the tables have definitely turned.

Death Proof I thought was pretty excellent for the most part, a film containing two separate plots centering around bootylicious babes getting stalked by this creepy dude who calls himself Stuntman Mike, who uses his "death proof" car to slice and dice his victims. I really enjoyed the first set of girls, the writing was obviously geared to be cliche girl bitchiness that strangely didn't annoy me much at all. The characters are engaging and edgy (not to mention provocative), the lap dance scene is raunchy and I love it, basically everything leading up to the inevitable climax of the plot where Stuntcreep Mike finally gets his kill on totally hooked me in. And holy crap, the way his car totally pulverized them was FANTASTICALLY gruesome! Rose McGowan is weird looking as a blonde and I felt sorry for her that she was dumb enough to get into a car that looked like THAT. I mean, come on, could you BE any easier to kill?? And with names like Jungle Julia and lines like "kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny-looking guy who you could fuck", it was kind of hard not to love this movie. The second half of the film I did not like as much as the first, I don't know about everyone else but I'm certainly tired of the stereotypical kind of hot girl who's kind of really loud and obnoxious and makes her less hot, it's a vicious and tiresome cycle. However the ending where they kicked Stunt guy's ass was pretty superb.

As for Planet Terror, I remember really liking it the first time around but re-watching it I felt a little differently. Still good, and as most people in my life know I just cannot deny a zombie flick it's physically impossible for me! Anywho, the plot synopsis is as follows: after an experimental bio-nerve gas is accidentally released at a U.S. military base somewhere in butthole, Texas, those exposed to it turn into flesh-eating, puss-filled zombies that start eating everybody, natch. This ultimately brings a rather unique group of people together who have to join forces in order to survive. Rose McGowan (her character is named Cherry, p.s.) is back to being a badass brunette thank god, and Freddy Rodriguez is seriously amusing as a motorcycle riding, tattoo and leather jacket wearing "tough guy". The amount of gore in this film was actually a bit too much for me and the dialogue in some places was a tad too silly. However I loved the plot bunnies involving sexy big eyed blonde doctor, her psycho Josh Brolin hubby and stupid ass kid (or maybe stupid ass mom for giving him a gun in the first place, seriously you kind of asked for that to happen idiot) and Rose with a machine gun as a leg was just too amazing for words. This movie was totally campy and I loved it just for that. Camp is my fav. Other than that, the movie was a little TOO intentionally cheesy for my taste. I know I know, I've spent many posts on this blog gushing about how much I LOVE cheese. I also know that intentionally bad is kind of the whole point of these movies and I'm usually on board with the intentionally bad, but this I just had trouble dealing with. But still, good mindless action packed-ness in both films and like I said any zombie movie I really, truly enjoy. So I still had fun watching these movies despite how annoyed I was w/ loud mouth Tracie Thoms and how genuinely grossed out I was every time a zombie squeezed a puss-filled legion off its face. Ew.

In summary: As excited as I was to watch Grindhouse the first and then the second time, I think I've come to realize that it's just not up to par with most of the Tarantino films that I've come to know and love. But I don't regret watching it!

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS.

2009-01-04T19:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, before you judge me, answer me this - How could you NOT watch a movie with a title like that?!

Basically, this movie was really fucking weird. Stripper (Jenna Jameson) gets bit and becomes Super Stripper and all the other strippers want to be like her and get more cash (yeah all the men in the club seem to like them more when they're dead, what the hell) so they all start getting her to bite them and then suddenly all the girls are just living dead dancing maniacs! I would say it was a waste of a mere 94 minutes but for some reason I'm glad I saw it. It was terrible. But Jenna Jameson shooting golf balls out of her girly place was totally priceless, and seeing Robert Englund (Freddy Krugar!) running around was pretty cool.

Don't see this movie. But if you do, be drunk. And with friends. And just remember that it's really dumb and hopefully you will laugh more than you will want to cry.

The Orphanage (2007)

2008-12-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of Guillermo del Toro and Pan's Labyrinth, so when I heard that he co-produced the Orphanage I immediately hopped on the 'this movie is going to be freaking awesome' train. And boy was I right on track! (ha, I'm too punny.)

The plot is as follows - Laura (Belen Rueda) was adopted out of the seaside orphanage she stayed in as a little girl and now grown up and married with a child, she returns with her family to the now abandoned orphanage in the hopes of turning it into a home for children with special needs. Things heat up when their son Simon starts playing creepy ass games with some imaginary friends and then disappears. For the next nine months we see Laura slowly descending into something like maddness as she begins to uncover the terrible secrets hidden within her childhood home while searching for her son.

Basically, I was really impressed! Creep status very high in most parts, I'd forgotten how genuinely great and spooky a ghost story can be. Just like Pan's Labyrinth the movie isn't based on cheap thrills which I really appreciated (even though I have to admit, I'm a huge sucker for them), it has a plot that really pulls you in and keeps you on the edge of your seat. Not out of terror! Just out of anxious curiosity, wondering what's going to happen next. Although I will say just for the record... scarecrow masks scare the living hell out of me. UNCOOL. The ending is generally unexpected (at least it was for me) and heartbreaking, and it just made me love the movie even more. There's also a great running Peter Pan-esque theme about the film that I absolutely loved! So if you like Guillermo del Toro and you liked Pan's Labyrinth, have some wine and some friends over and watch The Orphanage. Seriously.

On a non horrror but movie subject, Guillermo del Toro is directing 2012's The Hobbit?! I am so (nerdy) freaking excited!

Black Christmas 2006

2008-12-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

I really had no expectations going into this movie except for the small bit of hope that there would be a few buckets of gore in it (which there was! yay!), so that's probably why I didn't mind the 2006 version of Black Christmas as much as most devote followers of the original seem to. I do see it's flaws, they got a little too TMI w/ Billy's back story and Agnes was CLEARLY a man in a long-haired wig... weird. But I very much appreciated the brutal violence of it all, by the end it had me cringing into the very corner of the couch half hidden under my cheetah print blanket! Somehow that was supposed to protect me should things have gone terribly wrong... I didn't really mind the absolute one dimensional bitchiness of all the sorority girls, the film made up for it with the Hannibal Lector references I was gleefully able to make, and MY GOD the blood spurting was awesome! See? It always comes back to the gore for me. I am so predictable. I was also pleasantly surprised that I found myself devastated over many of the characters deaths instead of just one or two. Ever ten minutes there was a general chorus of "Awe, c'mon not her too HAVEN'T YOU SPILLED ENOUGH BLOOD TONIGHT BILLY/WEIRD GIRLMAN?!" The extent to which I seemed to be emotionally tied to the film was inspiring. Or, I'm just plain nuts. Which let's face it is a very valid assessment. Basically, I didn't mind that it was nothing like the original, I feel like they were not trying to make it an exact replica they were really trying to make it their own, and I can get down with that. But maybe I'm just way too easy when it comes to horror movies, whatever, I don't care I do what I want! I won't go so far as to say that the original was better because despite the fact that they hold the same plot, I really do see them as two completely different movies. Perhaps that's why I really enjoyed it. Although I will say, nothing seems to be able to beat the ending of the original... the song Silent Night has been forever changed for me.

My advice? See both, but when you watch the new one just be prepared for something completely different and try to appreciate it for what it is! In my opinion, all that should matter is that they were both made for a good creepy scare.

Teeth :O

2008-12-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

Came out in 2007 but I didn't hear about it until like a week ago. Naturally I would be curious about it... I mean, who wouldn't be even morbidly curious about a movie centering around a girl who has vagina teeth. Yeah. Teeth! in her vag. Essentially, a second mouth. I couldn't not find out what that movie was all about!

Well, let me tell you all right now, it's exactly what you would expect out of a movie about a girl with vag teeth. Nothing more than what it already is! Definitely a movie that did not disappoint, but I think it was just a bit too much for me. I should have remembered how much genitalia in horror movies freaks me out. So exposed! So vulnerable! And when you add a set of TEETH to the equation?! Dear god. I fear that my mind will just never be the same, the unnecessary brutality of it all just did not agree with me. I can handle as much blood and guts as you can throw at me but one thing I cannot stand is rape scenes, even IF the guy actually gets it in the end. Like, seriously. Rape a girl with teeth in her special place, what do you think is going to happen to you??? Ugh. There were a few funny moments but not enough to make up for it, for me anyway. I couldn't really get past the way they were actually making these really disturbing, fucked up scenes almost sexy. There was just something just so wrong about that whole damn film! Strangely enough, even though I just spent this last paragraph in negative town, I do think it's something anyone should see once if they can stomach it. It's definitely interesting, unlike anything I've really seen before.

And I must say, it is definitely a very useful tool in the sex education bizz and a sure fire way to make sure kids don't start having sex! I may just be claiming temporary celibacy because of all the crazy, awful images in my brain now. This movie fucking made me afraid of my own damn girly parts! Not cool.

My Top 10 Horror Films of the 1990's

2008-11-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

So as I've said many times before, I LOVE 90's horror. For the most part, the basis of their appeal to me is that they are so amazingly cheap and cheesy! (Mmmm, cheese.) I like simple, uncomplicated, in your face this is what I am love me or hate me I don't give a fuck! - type of movies. So, I thought I'd make a little post about some of my favs, 'cos they're oh so good and whoever is reading this you should make the good choice and go rent them. Bask in their gloriously cheese-filled goodness! Sharp Cheddar. It's the only way to go. You know you want to.

1. (of course) Scream (1996)- You all already know how much I love this movie, I've gushed about it at least twice already in past blogs and I don't want to be annoyingly repetitive so I'll keep it brief. I love 90's horror and I love teen slashers so a movie that successfully mocks that very genre has GOT to be my #1. There are so many little gems in that movie that keep me hooked, from the actually very creepy/haunting beginning sequence, the annoying Rose McGowan and her slutty one-liners, the horrible neon outfits Courtney Cox wears, to the ridiculous scene where the killer is watching them in the grocery store (how could no one else notice that?!). It's just too good! I could go on and on about how awesome it is but if you don't believe me now you probably never will. And that's totally your loss. If it weren't for this film, how would we know the horror film rules? One, don't have sex! Two, don't drink or do drugs! Three, never say 'I'll be right back'! 'Cos you won't be. Essential life lessons I think, there's something in this movie for everyone. Not to mention, the end song is Moby. Moby! ... Ha, brief my ass. Oh well.

2. House on Haunted Hill (1999)- My little blurb about the 90's 'simple, uncomplicated, in your face this is what I am love me or hate me I don't give a fuck' kind of basically describes this movie to a tee. The way they just kind of throw you into the character's plots w/ no real back story explanation is strangely alluring. Loaded cast, horrible CGI effects, pretty hilarious dialogue, and who ends up surviving at the end of the movie is quite a surprise. I love every minute of this bad movie.

3. Event Horizon (1997) - astronaut scientists, black holes, a ghost ship that's essentially alive?! How could you not love this movie? Aside from the sometimes painfully obvious plot holes and an almost overdose on sci-fi cheesiness... I feel like if you sit back w/ a cold beer and some homies and just enjoy it for what it is, a fucking fantastic horrible movie then you'll love it as much as I do.

4. The Faculty (1998)- This movie has held a special place in my heart since my embarrassingly early teen years. Who here doesn't love that age old question; what would you do if aliens were taking over your high school? In high school I actually sometimes really felt like something fishy was going on, I mean, high school teachers are fucking WEIRD man! It's definitely a tale that reaches out to the high school misfits of the world as we see how all our characters band together to save their high school and the world from an alien invasion... plus Josh Hartnett is just such a bad ass!

5. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) - OK. Crazy Quentin Tarantino. Young, bad ass George Clooney with a sick tattoo. A game of cowboys and indians (er, criminals and hostages) and a disturbing sequence of events that leads the main characters to a town of VAMPIRES. Good. fucking. times. (I say 'fucking' a lot, I've realized. Damn I have such a potty mouth. Apologies!) That's all that really needs to be said about this movie. Go rent it. Go rent it now.

6. Silence of the Lambs (1991) - He said, "I can smell your cunt." I love Hannibal Lector/Anthony Hopkins. The end.

7. Urban Legend (1998) - Ok, a movie based on someone going around killing people in the style of popular urban legends? How could you NOT love a movie like that?! Again, just as in Scream, the beginning sequence of this movie still to this day kind of scares the shit out of me. "THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE BACK SEAT!" Seriously. Sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. Too good, too good! Plus, Jared Leto anyone? Again.. sigh.

8. Halloween H20 (1998) - I am a huuuuuge fan of the original Halloween. Michael Myers just might be my favorite psychopath. No matter how many times I've seen that movie, the eery theme music always makes me check twice that all the doors and windows are locked and that some sort of weapon to defend myself is close by. And while I did NOT like Halloween's 3-5, Halloween H20 was a welcome change. Takes place 20 years later when Laurie Strode is the mother of Josh Hartnett (siiighh.) and she's still being haunted by her past, paranoid as ever that her brother is going to come back someday to finish what he started. The same awesome theme music, a new and fresher cast (except for Jamie of course), Michael Myers is still just as terrifying as ever and Jamie Lee Curtiss STILL has got it goin' on! Girl, get down with your bad self.

9. Se7en (1995) - Really a movie for the morbidly curious. I myself could never resist a movie based on something as fucked up as a man killing people according to the seven deadly sins. While Brad Pitt himself I find slightly annoying in the movie Morgan Freeman is (as always) a complete bad ass and Kevin Spacey... just wow. The lust scene might haunt you forever though. Just a warning.

10. Dead Alive (1992) - Peter Jackson LOTR fans, eat your heart out! Way before he made that epic trilogy he actually had quite the talent for bringing on the gore. For those of you that are like me and love you some hilarious one-liners and a slew of good, (not) clean zombie fun, this is definitely a movie for you! Warning - definitely not a movie for the weak of stomach. But in my humble opinion? Suck it up and watch it! It's totally worth it.

Sleepaway Camp, and other things.

2008-11-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

1983's film Sleepaway Camp was thoroughly enjoyably (I feel like I use that phrase a lot, is it annoying? It's kind of annoying me. Hmm. Moving on!) and not just because I was a summer camp kid myself! Although while I liked it I really don't have much to say about it. It was good. I could tell they were trying to be all sneaky and trick you into thinking the killer is like five different people. Couldn't fool me no sir-ee! The ending of the film has apparently been called the most shocking ending in cinematic history - I would definitely say that it was shocking, but I'm not so sure about MOST shocking. I think it threw me off because watching the movie I never got even the slightest hint of what was coming. Still, that look on her face in the last scene will probably haunt me for the rest of my days. If you're looking for something kind of silly and one dimensional, definitely give this movie a try!

It's kind of frustrating, I'm starting to realize that I may slowly be becoming desensitized to horror films. It takes a lot more these days to really scare me, upset me, to really leave an impression on me. I hate coming out of a scary movie feeling largely disappointed in the lack of actual scare. Is it so much to ask to find a film that has you crying for your mother from beginning to end??? I want to find one of those (I know, I'm weird. I can't help it I'm addicted to the adrenaline! I have a problem.) The last movie that has even come relatively close to that was probably Mirrors.

The next film club pick is going to be Grindhouse! Really excited about that. I've seen it once before, I remember I really liked Planet Terror and was not sure how I felt about Death Proof. The second half of it was kind of iffy. But I'm glad I'm being forced to give it another chance.

So excited to go home tomorrow for Thanksgiving break! My brother has an Xbox 360 and a copy of this new game called Left 4 Dead. He says it's pretty scary, so we're going to play it w/ all the lights off. Totally used to do that w/ the Resident Evil games. I love zombies!

Stay Alive

2008-11-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

Made in 2006 but reads like a good 'n cheesy 90's film. It really reminded me of House on Haunted Hill in the way it just kind of threw you into the center mid-plot, no explanations, no character development. In your face and just exactly what it was, not trying to be something it's not. Which is probably why I kind of loved it despite the painfully obvious plot holes and teeth-gritting poor dialogue at times. Parts of it were so bad that literally all I could do was shake my head and chuckle and yet I was still really enjoying myself. And anyway, how can you say no to a horror movie centered around surviving a deadly video game (it kills you in real life if you die in the game. SO AMAZING SHIT) ?? And a character who's name is October??? Too good, too fucking good. I encourage anyone who has an open mind to the really, really bad to go rent it. Make sure you have some alcohol in your freezer though, you may need it to dull the mind and the pain a little bit.

Tuesday, November 4th.

2008-11-06T19:32:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I know that Tuesday was not a completely happy night for a lot of people. Prop 8 didn't pass and like many others, I was enraged. It's horrible, it's senseless, I can't believe that in the year 2008 52% of the state of California (California? REALLY?) passed a law taking away the right for gays to marry. BUT... call me a crazy idealist, I don't care, I don't see this being the end of it. Doesn't anyone remember Prop 22? Granted, it didn't last for very long... but Obama is our President now. OBAMA, is our freaking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! Is this even real? Obama was elected and for the first time in eight years, I really feel like things are going to be ok. Everything can't be fixed at once, but it will happen eventually, Prop 8 will be put down and we'll forget that for one crazy second, people in California decided that chickens should have more rights than people. I hope. Everything will eventually fall into place... it has to now. Just has to.

Basically what I'm trying to say is, I know it looks bleak, but I have faith that things will start turning around. Somehow. I'm sorry but it's hard for me to feel anything but happiness right now, I really felt at times that a democratic victory was so far from our reach; and then I was in a bar w/ a few friends the night of the 4th and suddenly the rest of the states on the TV screen were colored in blue. I just remember everyone looking at each other and going, "Wait... does this mean what I think it means?!" The next thing I know I'm reading 'Obama elected President' flashing across the screen and the place was ERUPTING in cheers. I don't think I've ever felt so exhilarated in my entire life. I watched Obama make his speech, beer in hand, standing next to my friends and as Obama spoke about coming together as a country the Beatles were playing in my head and it was amazing. Truly inspired.

Guys... it's the year 2008 and we have elected a black man into the white house. Do you realize just how amazing that is? Obama is our President! I'm so excited to be alive and young during these times.

House on Sorority Row

2008-10-24T23:35:00.000-07:00

In a few words? Fucking bad ass. House on Sorority Row circa 1983 was really enjoyable! I wasn't expecting much. I was hopeful, but I wasn't expecting much and I ended up being pleasantly surprised! For the most part the movie is a total cliche but it's done really well, and back in 1983 I guess it really wasn't much of a cliche yet anyway since this kind of plot hadn't been reproduced a hundred thousand times like it has been by now. But basically, any movie that has me going from laughing my ass off to being sufficiently creeped out every five minutes is a movie that I can get down with. Yeah folks, I'm easy, deal with it! Besides, who the hell can resist a horror movie centered around the slaughtering of stupid ass sorority bitches??? I sure can't! After this movie and movies like Straight-Jacket, I have become such a fan of the old horror movie genre. The 1960-1980's knew what's up. This is definitely a movie I want to own someday.

Speaking of really great cliche horror movies.... I am really excited to say that I will be watching Scream tomorrow night on the BIG SCREEN! That's right. Scream, in a movie theater. My wildest dreams have come true! Well, maybe not my wildest. But certainly some of my wilder.

Love, love is a verb. Love is a doing word.

2008-10-23T15:19:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a post of the non-horror variety. Crazy, I know! Gotta keep people on their toes.

I've decided that I'm not just going to blog about metal - I love it, but I realize that I also love many other types of music just as much and for me it's really not about the genre or even the artist. It's about that certain song that makes me really feel something incredible. Take the song Closer, by Kings of Leon for instance. I heard it for the first time two days ago and the first time I listened to it, I was floored. Speechless. I had to listen to it four more times to fully comprehend everything that song was giving me. How can anyone not be completely obsessed with music? It has the ability to make you feel and remember things in a way that you would not otherwise, each memory suddenly becomes so much sweeter. It has the ability to make you feel so alive! Every time I listen to Teardrop by Massive Attack, I get this insane urge to scale a cliff and jump off into the ocean holding someone's hand. Any takers?? I've been in a wonderfully weird mood lately.

Today's recommendations:
Closer - Kings of Leon
Teardrop - Massive Attack
Le Soleil est pres de mois - Air
I Don't Know What I Can Save You From - Kings of Convenience
Jezebel - Iron & Wine
Biscuit - Portishead
Electric Feel - MGMT
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
Ready for the Floor (Smoothed Out On An R'n'B Tip version) - Hot Chip

Take the time to look at the stars once in awhile. Life is short. Do everything you possibly can.

Black Christmas

2008-10-14T18:49:00.000-07:00

"The calls are coming from inside the house!"

This amazingly creepy string of words always gets me, it's why I love that particular urban legend so much. It's why even the poorly put together film When A Stranger Calls, based off that urban legend, still got a few jumps out of me. How terrifying is it to realize that the creepy calls you've been getting have been coming from somewhere in your own house?!?! You can't tell me that doesn't get under your skin in a really awesome way. You're not safe anywhere! My god the brilliance, the simplicity. And that's exactly what this movie (made in the 1970's) is, I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it! Beside, who can resist a movie based around a nameless psychopath who's killing off sorority girls?

I guess for some a lot of the movie could seem a bit boring, especially when there wasn't any killing going on, but I really liked it. I was constantly creeped out, and I guess that's what ultimately makes me really love a movie or hate it. If it can keep my adrenaline pumping for the majority of the time, I'm totally its bitch! From the very first scene where they introduce the killer (I love when they just jump right into things, it makes it totally about the killer and his prey! Fuck yeah!) to the phone calls laden with obscure whisperings and strange, almost animal-like noises, it had me right until the end. It was really good on their part the way you only ever saw his crazy bulging eyes and silhouette, it only added to the suspense, and the last chase scene (I am such a sucker for a good chase scene, I may have said this before but oh well, deal with it!) was beyond stressful.

Also, I gotta hand it to the girl with the annoying accent, instead of bolting out the front door upon hearing that the calls were coming from inside the house (like most sane people would), she grabbed a fire poker and went upstairs to find her friends! I mean usually I get annoyed at any dumb bitch stupid enough to run up the stairs when she should be going out the front door, I mean it's just good sense! Survivor's instincts, yo. But in this case, I applaud her. Crazy bitch had some balls! And the ending??? So subtle, just thinking about it sends chills down my spine. Now I really want to see the remake! But if anything, anyone reading this out there should go out to the nearest Blockbuster or log onto Netflix and nab this jem of a movie.

I've heard talk that this new movie out in theaters called Quarantine is actually pretty good. I'm going to try and see it this weekend so I can rave or bitch about it. Until next time!

Final Girl Film Club: Straight Jacket (MAJOR spoilers alert!)

2008-10-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

My first post for Final Girl's film club. I'm kind of excited. :)

So the movie for this month was 1964's Straight-Jacket. I could basically sum up this movie with nineteen words. Joan Crawford is so awesome and my hero, she should be the ruler of her own planet named Joan. But I'll keep talking about it, since that's really the whole point of being in this film club. In this film, Joan Crawford's character Lucy Harbin catches her husband cheating on her and is put in an asylum for ax-murdering him and his mistress while asleep in bed, in front of her then young daughter Carol. Flash forward to 20 years later where Carol is all grown up and about to be married and her mother is being released from crazy town, supposedly cured of the crazies. And yet, people start dying again... suspicious, no?

Well, basically, Joan (I feel like we're close enough that I can be on a first name basis with her) is the greatest. She has the crazy eye thing DOWN, no one does it better than her, I therefore hereby crown her Queen of the Crazy Eyes. I loved the whole movie, but I loved it even more when I got to the end. I remember having a fleeting thought early on in the movie - "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if the daughter inherited the crazy gene?" I forgot about it after awhile and then low and behold! In the second to last scene when 'Lucy' is about to kill Carol's fiancee's mamma, the real Lucy actually busts in and tackles who we thought was Lucy, ripping off what now appears to be a Lucy mask and it's Carol! So brill. (I feel like I should be following that with a really annoying 'Omigod'. But I won't. I want you guys to like me.)

Anyway, so basically I give it a two thumbs up! I think it's genius. The suspenseful, rather ominous sounding music was inspiring! I was so wrapped up in it, and the entire time when Carol kept bringing up all these things from the past that would drive any once crazy woman to revert back to the crazies, I was just thinking - is this bitch THAT dumb?! Don't you see that by dressing her up in her old clothes and giving her a wig of her old hair style that she's dangerously close to snapping??? Yes. She was in fact counting on that. It seems (and understandably so) that all these years Carol has been holding quite a grudge against her mother, and I mean, if I had witnessed my mother kill my father, I'd probably be a little fucked in the head too. It was all an evil plot to make her once crazy but reformed murderer of a mother seem crazy once again so that the deaths could be pinned on her and Carol would be able to marry her man. Yeah, apparently her fiancee's parents would never actually approve of marriage to Carol, so she thought if she made everyone believe that her mother was crazy again and killing people, then no one would suspect that anyone else had killed the 'rents. A little bit of a stretch I suppose, plotting to kill the fiancee's parents so you could be with him without their approval and blaming it on your once crazy mother, but then again, if you've got the crazy gene... well, nothing's out of the question.

Quick, count how many times I've used the word 'crazy' in this post! It just feels so right. This was my first Joan Crawford movie and I'm in love. This movie rocked.

He Knows You're Alone

2008-10-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

A 1980 slasher flick, I had high hopes for it because as you will all come to realize, I am a huge sucker for a good slasher, and the film revolved around a killer stalking and killing young brides before their wedding day. How could that NOT be good??? So maybe I counted my chickens too soon, just goes to show I can't be too cocky about a film until I've seen it, but I wanted to like it so much! It just didn't happen for me. I know what they were trying to do, and it was kind of refreshing to see a slasher movie revolving around the killing of young brides instead of pimply faced high school teens, but for me it lacked a real element of scare. There were only two or three moments when my friend and I actually jumped, and the killer himself left something to be desired. The one thing I did love was the music, it was almost identical to the score of John Carpenter's Halloween which I DUG. It kept me entertained for quite awhile. Even made me a little creeped out when the scene itself wasn't that scary - just goes to show, it's ALL about the movie score. And maybe my expectations are just to high but I think I also just can't deal with a movie where the main girl is a complete imbecile. Who the hell literally STOPS in the middle of chase with the killer on your heels, to catch your breath??? You're about to get gutted you idiot!

OHMYGOD, High Tension.

2008-09-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

That's really all that needs to be said about it, but I'll keep going anyways. HIGH TENSION ROCKED MY FUCKING PANTS OFF.

I've been wanting to see it forever and as usual, Alexander Aja did not disappoint. It's not a movie for the faint of heart, or weak of stomach. Seriously, if you have a weak stomach, beware. It's almost needlessly gorey, but then again what is Alexander Aja without excessive gore (see: Mirrors and The Hills Have Eyes)? I got over it. If you can get past the sickening, blood-filled, flesh-ripping scenes that dominate 75% of the movie, you'll be glad you did. The use of loud instrumentals and lack of dialogue once the horror ensues is genius (very John Carpenter's Halloween), it only aids in (borrowing a cliche here) bringing you closer to the edge of your seat as the movie goes on, and the twist at the end WAS SO GOOD.

God so good. I was practically giddy with delight, I would have been jumping up and down if I hadn't been at the same time still so terrified that I was curled up on the couch in some weird combination of lotus and fetal position... I just didn't want any of my limbs to be exposed, ok? The titled of the movie is very deserving, as the tension literally never ceases and only builds right up until the very last scene, one second before the credits start rolling. Seriously the movie is brilliant, and such a great surprise! It's very original, and so worth seeing once even if you have the weakest stomach known to man. Believe me, I may talk tough but I've been known to get queasy with the best of 'em. I know that there is some controversy over a certain subject in the movie, as there should be, but I'm just choosing to see it for what it is and that is a damn good horror film.

I haven't been this happy about a movie in so long! I'm still experiencing the after-glow of nail biting goodness. :)

Just a quickie.

2008-09-27T23:42:00.000-07:00

I realize I may have come off a tad bit strong in my first post... It was unintentional, and I assure you I am not a scary person. Trust. I'm just very passionate about scary movies! I can't help it, whenever I talk about them I get too excited and tend to use my outdoor voice. Don't let that scare you away from reading my blog. I say the word 'scare' a lot, don't I?

So, a word to those whose pants are constantly being rocked off by George Romero and were huge fans of 2004's Dawn of the Dead, think twice before seeing the 2008 version of Day of the Dead. Sooooo disappointing. I haven't even seen the 1978 version of Dawn of the Dead and I'm sure it's even better, most originals are, but I can't help being completely in love with the newer version. So campy. So funny. So gross. So absolutely everything I love about zombie flicks. Day of the Dead, however, kiiind of a huge let down. From what I gather it sort of followed the formula of the original, but the dialogue was awful and I didn't find myself giving a shit about any of the characters. Those are really the two deal breakers for me with movies. Maybe I just love Dawn too much, maybe I'm just too picky, maybe I need to just figure out what the hell I want, I dunno. Whatever! I need some good vino to nurse my disappointment.

Hello, all!

2008-09-26T18:54:00.001-07:00

My name is Margarita Salt- well that's not my real name but it is in fact my new alias... you know, to keep the internet stalkers at bay, but mostly because it's totally cool to have an alias. You know it is. You're just jealous.

... Anyway, so this blog is mainly for the purpose of writing about horror films, as I am a part of a fantastic film club started by fellow blogger Final Girl (go here for details: http://finalgirl.blogspot.com, and join in on the fun if you're into that sort of thing!). We watch a movie every month and then write about it, link it, etc... It's basically a great way to bring all horror movie geeks together as one. You should know this about me right off the bat- I am a HUGE fan of gorey, cheesy, disgusting horror movies (mostly from the 70's, 80's and 90's, but thankfully there have been a quite a few jems since then. (Mirrors and The Descent, anyone?). I could watch movies like these for days. I won't tolerate any back talk about my movies so if you're not into them then I don't want to be your friend. Just kidding! But seriously. You're missing out by not watching them. If you don't feel that way, that's cool, we'll just have to agree to disagree. :)

... In case you were wondering how 'hard core' of a fan I am, you may have noticed my web address, iwannabeinthesequel.blogspot.com? Trivia, what is that line from???

....

Scream. Yes, Scream. "No please don't kill me Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!" Great fucking stuff, one of my favorite movies of all time for obvious reasons to any who appreciate the sheer 90's slasher genius of it as I do. The point is that they don't even take themselves seriously, the whole movie is a mockery of teen horror, and yet there are still parts of it that are truly terrifying! Love it. Love it, love it, love it and anything like it. If any of you share these feelings, you rock. You rock my damn socks off.

So that's the main purpose of this blog, and this is the first public blog I've really had so... be nice? Yeah? Cool. I'll probably at times also use it to post unrelated, random ramblings. I might also use it to talk about metal, something else you should know about me is I'm a huge heavy metal fan. Weird, right? I'm a chick I swear...